on living and dreaming...
When soldiers go out to war, they often keep pictures of their families and/or loved ones in their cockpits, helmets or lockers, presumably to remind themselves of the reason why they risk their lives day in and day out.
Today, and for the past few days, I've found myself very tired. Mostly physically, but to some extent, emotionally as well. One could say this is weird since i haven't been working these past few weeks(in the literal sense). not that i haven't been busy, in fact, my non-paying work has been keeping me busy. This now begs the question: Why do we do the things that we do?
I've had quite some time to reflect these past few days/weeks, and one realization that came clear was that I've always been a dreamer, but in the same breath, I've never been strong willed enough to see things through. Once upon a time, I dreamt of holding the claret jug high, but when asked by my dad to hit the driving range, I'd rather stay home and do whatever. Then There was the law, I even got into one of the most prestigous institutions in this country, only to, well flunk out. ooh, there was also a time that I loved the theatre, and i still do. That was somewhat a different story. I fought for that. I learned how to commute to get to attend rehearsals. There were alot of other things then too. I was an officer in CAT, even made varsity in track in senior year HS. and of course, there's music. (see previous post for comments on this). To explain this a bit further, I first picked up a guitar some time in 2000. I wanted to learn the instrument after I had my Days With The Lord, to join the Music Crew (the choir of XSDWTL). This however did not immediately fall into place. not so much talent plus not so much practice = not even mediocre guitarist. no pressure though, went with the flow, stuck with it, and now, well, suffice it to say I'm quite happy where I am. before returning to the question earlier, one important thing to note is how this is all me. Not my father's or mother's dream, and I'm very thankful to all those who've helped me along the way (mentioned this previously already), but this I'm sure is me. And to get back to the earlier question, it's been pretty clear that the music in me has always been routed in faith . From XSDWTLMC to most recently Musica Chiesa, I've always found it somewhat easier to get out of bed for things like these. To the point that when I woke up last monday and i was exhausted, but throughout my long weekend working through all the work i don't get paid for, I didn't feel a thing (okay, maybe i did, but it was much lighter). I thought I've moved past, but now I can't help but hear something that definite warrants at least some thought. but to get back to my question earlier, I can only guess that it's all about love. Once upon a time, it was esprit de corps, sometimes it's faith, and for other times even romantic love. Personally, I'm a very lazy person. Then again this is extremely relative.
Now for some direction. yeah. I'd post my plan here, but, well. basta.
Inhale, say a prayer. hope for the best.
Today, and for the past few days, I've found myself very tired. Mostly physically, but to some extent, emotionally as well. One could say this is weird since i haven't been working these past few weeks(in the literal sense). not that i haven't been busy, in fact, my non-paying work has been keeping me busy. This now begs the question: Why do we do the things that we do?
I've had quite some time to reflect these past few days/weeks, and one realization that came clear was that I've always been a dreamer, but in the same breath, I've never been strong willed enough to see things through. Once upon a time, I dreamt of holding the claret jug high, but when asked by my dad to hit the driving range, I'd rather stay home and do whatever. Then There was the law, I even got into one of the most prestigous institutions in this country, only to, well flunk out. ooh, there was also a time that I loved the theatre, and i still do. That was somewhat a different story. I fought for that. I learned how to commute to get to attend rehearsals. There were alot of other things then too. I was an officer in CAT, even made varsity in track in senior year HS. and of course, there's music. (see previous post for comments on this). To explain this a bit further, I first picked up a guitar some time in 2000. I wanted to learn the instrument after I had my Days With The Lord, to join the Music Crew (the choir of XSDWTL). This however did not immediately fall into place. not so much talent plus not so much practice = not even mediocre guitarist. no pressure though, went with the flow, stuck with it, and now, well, suffice it to say I'm quite happy where I am. before returning to the question earlier, one important thing to note is how this is all me. Not my father's or mother's dream, and I'm very thankful to all those who've helped me along the way (mentioned this previously already), but this I'm sure is me. And to get back to the earlier question, it's been pretty clear that the music in me has always been routed in faith . From XSDWTLMC to most recently Musica Chiesa, I've always found it somewhat easier to get out of bed for things like these. To the point that when I woke up last monday and i was exhausted, but throughout my long weekend working through all the work i don't get paid for, I didn't feel a thing (okay, maybe i did, but it was much lighter). I thought I've moved past, but now I can't help but hear something that definite warrants at least some thought. but to get back to my question earlier, I can only guess that it's all about love. Once upon a time, it was esprit de corps, sometimes it's faith, and for other times even romantic love. Personally, I'm a very lazy person. Then again this is extremely relative.
Now for some direction. yeah. I'd post my plan here, but, well. basta.
Inhale, say a prayer. hope for the best.
posted by blurred at 1:07 AM
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