never give 100%

... it wil only end in heartbreak.

Which begs the question. why is it still done that way?

I thought i learned this already. (insert long list here.. hi lyn, does this sound familiar?)

I find myself tired again. telling myself, i'll rest next week... for the past probably 5 or 6 weeks. people close to me would notice that I've been out of it for quite some time now.. I don't even want to think about how long it's been.

Then again, one call, or even text, and I get up and force myself through this.

Last night though and most of today (yesterday) I think I hit rock bottom. A quick backgrounder, I've asked some people already if I could take leave for a bit, coz at this point, I think I'm carrying way too much personal shit already. but as circumstances would have it, the people next in line are way too busy. long story short, I'm still around. best example. a few days ago, i didn't do what was not my job, but something i usually do and for that time, that thing led to a major screw up, which i later remedied. not my job.. but. to get back to what i was mentioning. i was supposed to fix something. something that might not come out great under me, but something I can do if no one else comes forward. on a good day, it would take me maybe 2-3 hours.. earlier today, nothing. i tried, gave it everything, but nothing. Luckily it didn't matter in the end, but that's not the point.

call and I will answer. that's always the way it's been, and probably the way it will be. right now, my heart, mind and body are all on the brink of giving way, but so what? there's work to be done.

just pack a toothbrush and undies, and get a move on.

haaay, another one of those heart attack days..


so in the end, 100 is just a number. it's never been about getting hurt.